To God be the Glory

      To say it has been an emotional few days does not even touch the surface.  While I continue to figure this whole cancer thing out and get ready for the next steps, life continues swirling around me.

            Wednesday I went in to get Portia, my new best friend, the one that apparently will make it easier for me to get the chemo and make it easier to draw blood. But before we did that, Mom and I stopped to see Roger Eller as I was not sure how I would be after Portia was installed and I wanted to see him. I will not lie, it was not easy and on top of that, my valium and Percocet had kicked in.  I tried not to tear up, but I did. It was so hard to see him struggling to breathe and trying to talk.  We stayed for maybe 5 minutes but those 5 minutes meant the world to me and I hope to him as well.  Words would never do Roger justice. He was a true gentleman, he always had a hug, a smile and was strong, dependable, dignified, graceful and a rock.  About a month ago I asked him how he was doing and he said fine. I shot back you wouldn’t tell me if you were doing badly either would you?  He laughed, put his hand on my shoulder and said no, I wouldn’t.  That was Roger.   As always, Mom knew what to say, and I let her as there wasn’t much I could think of.  But when I left, I got to give him a kiss and tell him I loved him, and he said me too.  I cried when I left as of all the people in the world, I hated to see him suffer.  Luckily, God agreed and Roger entered the Kingdom of Heaven the following day.  And yes, I smiled when I heard he was gone as I knew not only was he at peace, but I am willing to bet Julia met him and he got an earful!  (and I know that all of you who are reading this who knew both of them are laughing just thinking about it... admit it!!!).

            Back to  Portia.  As is the case in most of the things I do, I can never do anything easy.  I will get there eventually, but not always the way I intended.  Portia was no exception.  While visiting Roger took my mind off of what I was about to go through… and to whomever left me a message who said their dad said a port was a piece of cake… what kind of cake was that man talking about? fruit cake?!  I get in the room, 2 nurses—X-ray Maria—actually they called her Evil Maria, the other Maria and Dr Lynn.  Evil Maria (sounds better) paints my arm smurf blue (remember this for later) and preps the arm.  I get the local and it begins.  I have to admit, it wasn’t that bad due to the drugs.  We were laughing and talking and much discussion revolved around the name Portia.  Dr Lynn figured since a port is a pain in the ass it really it is a male (never thought of it that way) so she called it Ernest but we all agreed Portia was a great name.  She makes me look at the screen… saw my heart, then was astounded to see my ribs around my heart ( drugs… remember) and then I saw the cath going into the BACK OF MY HEART!! (Holy crap—I had no idea that is where it went.  I am pretty sure I voiced that too).  So she gets that all in place and then puts in Portia, sews her up and then flushes her out.  Damn Portia, she would not flush.  At this point, we all agreed that if Portia had to be replaced it would be with Ernest. (and I was going to be able to keep Portia too!! Yay!  I saw a new necklace in my future!). Well, she went back in and Portia was not the problem.  Apparently when Portia was hooked up she caused the cath to clog.  (Again, damn Portia).  Finally, it was done. (good thing too as I was hungry and had to pee really, really bad).

        Portia is getting used to her surroundings and I am hoping she will adjust quickly.  Sleeping is interesting to say the least with 2 bad arms.  The right one is healing nicely, but still hurts, so that is supported by a small blanket and Portia’s arm, well, she wrapped in a ton of love last night it was supported by a very special prayer shawl made by an old friend, Jessica (as I said to you, there are no words).

            Remember the smurf blue?  Well, I forgot they had put that all over my right arm and  was too tired to even think about washing it off.  So this morning, I just about had a heart attack when I saw blue in various places on my arm.  I bruise badly to begin with, but wow, I thought something had gone wrong with the port and I was losing feeling in my arm and you know how your mind works then… is it numb? Is it cold?  Fortunately for me it lasted a mere minute and I remembered.  (Whew…. Kinda like those M & M’s… thought Smurfs might really exist!). 

            Yes, it was a rough few days, but all will fall into place when it is time.  And of course it is not my time, your time or anyone else’s time.  It will be done in God’s time. And for Roger, Matthew 25:21.