Peace....

Be still and know that I am God    Psalm 46:10

            Last week I went up and down 17 each and every day to Wilmington and this was on a church sign down around Ogden. I saw it each and every time; coming and going.  And each and every time it made me smile and gave me peace. 

            Tonight I know I am going to need that peace tomorrow (I’d be lying if I said I was not looking forward to the valium tomorrow, as I see peace there as well).  However, today was exactly what I needed.

            As it does most Sundays, my day started at church (I stopped at Dollar General on my way to get enough sugar for my class to make the parents hate me so parents consider that my gift to you this week!).  It was a busy Sunday with lots going on and I ended up playing musical pews to fit people in ( for those who know me I pretty much like my corner of the world on Sunday but since most of the kids were singing in the choir I was accommodating – gold star for me!).  The kids sang 2 songs and did great—too darn cute and I was so proud as most of my class had solos and well, anytime the kids are up there you have to just smile—you never know what they are going to do.  Then the choir kids were joined by those not in the choir and to say there were a ton of them, does not do it justice.  It was a wonderful sight and I was thanking God I was not the one doing the talk (great to see Rachel and her gang, boy does time fly).

            The classes went back and after getting all the kids in their right places, I got to mine and for some unknown reason felt this strange feeling of peace come over me as I went in (and yes, for those of you who know my class, it scared me too).  They tend not to listen at times and I will say today they were rather good (and a bit sheepish when I reminded them I was not happy with them after last week’s prayer disaster).  It was as if they knew I needed them to tone it down.  One thing about the kids is they know about the cancer and they will ask questions.  I answer them as honestly as I can, without gory details (thought I think the boys would like to hear them).  I did my “what praises did you have last week” and after everyone went, Josie asked me if I had a praise.  I thought a moment and then told them I made it through the week with not having too much problem with the needles (they know that is what scares me—I think that was last week, but who can remember).  They thought I was nuts (I did not let them know I agreed with them).   Then we talked about setting good examples for others and one was getting mad at others and how that was not a good example.  You should have heard them when I told them on Friday I was mad at God—whoa… that got them! Sam gave me that “you better explain look” and Josie yelled “what?! “and I got looks from the rest of them.  I then explained how I was upset the one test I took could not be read (muga) and that I needed to take another so I was mad.  I then told them I immediately apologized to God and I was not mad at him, but at the situation.  And isn’t it great that all we have to do is ask for forgiveness and mean it.  They got it! Gold stars for them!

            Anyway, the day continued with lots if well wishes, breakfast with friends and then an hour and half at work getting the end of the month reports caught up.

  Let’s break for a moment as I would like to take this opportunity to repeat the following as it did happen after I left work:  I called Billy (who was on call this weekend) and when he answered, I knew it had to have been a long weekend.  I laughed and said “oh boy… long weekend?”  He said “Yes and I am on call until 7am and I have 2 cases in the morning.” I said “wanna switch?”  total silence... I was loving it… so I said it again “wanna switch?”  He finally did one of those awkward laughs and obviously still did not know what to say so I let him off the hook “don’t worry, I got it covered.”  (And yes, it has been this way his whole life. You would think he would have caught on by now).

Back to my day, it was normal, it was peaceful and it was exactly what I needed before I start the next step in the morning.

            The next step has started, I have taken the pills I have been told and will be at the doctors at 8:45 am tomorrow to meet with him before the chemo begins.  Am I nervous… hell yes.  I am going to be really ticked at Portia if she decides Ernest needs to take her place.  I will be ticked if for some unknown reason I can’t start as the planner in me is ready.  I will be really ticked if the anti nausea drug does not work.  In about 13 hours, the next step begins and in about 12  hours I will be driving by that church sign and although they may have changed the sign by now, I know what will always be in my mind and heart each and every time I pass by.