Gifts....

Embrace it…. Ben, soon after I was diagnosed

Ben is married to my cousin Laurel and had cancer almost 2 years ago.  Usually Laurel answers the phone, but for some reason, it seems Ben always answers when he is the one I really need to talk to, even if I don’t know it at the time.  When he is really tickled about something, he has this laugh that comes straight from the belly (those who know him just thought about that and are now smiling).  He has a strange sense of humor—totally appreciated by yours truly and I have learned if I call during any TV sporting event I am NOT to mention scores or outcomes (he loves that DVR.)

            Back to the phone call--we were talking cancer treatments and since he understood my thought process (I hear the snickers…not very nice), he shared some of the thought processes he went through as well. All of which I needed to hear; especially from a family member who understood (yes Benny—after 28 years I guess we are stuck with you). He then said, “this will sound strange, but embrace it.”  Strangely enough, I totally understood what he was saying.

            Accepting something is not the same as embracing.  I can accept the fact that I have cancer, but do I really want to embrace it? (Not really, it sucks). But I can embrace it; I can embrace the good – and yes, there is good in all of this.  I know I keep repeating the love and support (and I will continue to do so, so just deal with it) but because of it, I know I will be fine.  The well wishes, the phone calls, the emails and those cards; serious ones, funny ones, heartfelt ones and the supportive ones.  Cards from family, friends from all over, (past and present), coworkers, library patrons; the list goes on.  I am touched by all of them.  (I would like to personally and publicly thank Sawyer for making me finally breakdown… that’s my girl!)  I have a bunch of beautiful flowers, cookies, a gift basket and I cannot forget to mention Mr. Monk and his box of candy (however, I would like to take this opportunity to point out that if anyone happened to see me yelling at the old man after church—it was self defense—he was pointing his cane at me and he apparently does not know his right from his left).  All of this from people, who care, love me and just want me well.  I have to embrace this without any pity, without feeling guilty. 

            However, the true meaning of embracing happened this afternoon.  And yes, I cried and I am crying as I write this.  The package came with this note: Something to keep you entertained.  Get well soon! Love, Alice.    In the package, an iPad.   This from someone who, up until a few years ago, never even knew I existed.  Someone who wanted to do something for me and all I can do is embrace the love, which is really the true gift.   It is humbling, to say the least.  Perhaps this is the lesson I am to learn and take away from all of this.  As Debi sent earlier this week--- Jeremiah 29:11. Don’t know it?  Look it up on your iPad (heehee).  And Alice, while the iPad is awesome and I have already downloaded Angry Birds (which will indeed keep me entertained for hours and hours), I’m also grateful for that very first gift—Billy.  Thank you!