In control

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.     John 14:27

It hit the moment I walked out of work at noon.  It lasted less than a minute, but it still hit. Crap, I have cancer and crap; I have surgery in the morning.  Crap. (Okay, the last crap was not really a crap, but I promised Mom I would watch my language).  So on here it is crap.  In the car… you figure it out. And if you still have trouble, ask a kid, they will fill you in. (However, if you ask one of my Sunday School kids and they tell you, let me know).

Back to the oh crap moment.  As I said, it lasted less than a minute and I was back in control.  Had a few things to do and ended up at church to look a few things up.  In control.  So while I was looking, Pastor Bill told me to sit and we talked. Okay, I think I did most of the talking and I did it Jersey style.  Fast, fast, fast.  If you are from Jersey—you get it. If you are from anywhere else and have heard me and mom, you understand as well.  Better keep up or we will leave you in the dust.  And yes, we hear and understand every word.  Yes, rather scary, and yes, a sign of nervousness with me.   I finally had to go and he had a prayer.  Nice one, comforting one and I was off to pre op.  In control. 

 One thing I have never grown out of is having the car radio loud and just singing along.  So I did. In control.  I hit the Medical Mall and parked.  Uh oh… another oh crap moment.  This one lasted mere seconds.  Got my trusty 2012 Day Planner (I might add it is a Breast Cancer one—only by chance), my lucky pen, (not really but it sounds good) and my phone (Angry Birds of course!!) and went in.  I have to admit, I was not thrilled to be around so many sick people.  All I could think of was the kids who were there all had runny noses and they did not know how to sneeze into their shirts. Great, I go in to get a lumpectomy and end up with the flu. (That nasal spray Dr. Jones talked me into better work). I was immediately called back, but only for the paperwork. So I had to wait again.  In control.  I would like to apologize to the old lady next to me for scaring the crap out of her when I got so excited to finally conquer the one level that was stumping me on Angry Birds.  She looked at me and I said “oops, it was Angry Birds.”  She didn’t understand and from the looks of it, it didn’t matter anyway.  I hope she did not hear me snort when I heard the nurse ask her if she was ready for her EKG. 

FINALLY I was called in.  The nurse, Amanda, was awesome and sweet.  Never asked my weight or age, just filled me in on what to do tonight.  Then she walked me to the lab (someone must have told her I don’t do needles well and she thought I might run). I survived the needle and I was off on my merry little way.  In control.  So I decided to get a cupcake.  They did not have what I wanted, but it was okay, I didn’t need it anyway. (And to the one who told me I should have lowered my standards… are you kidding me?!  We are talking cupcakes here, not a man for goodness sake!). After all, I was in control.

Fast forward and it is almost 9:00pm and it is almost bedtime as we need to leave by 545am.  Have I done what I needed to do? No.  Am I worried about not getting things done?  Nope.   Right now I am at peace and in control.  Might not last very long, and I might just totally lose it, but it is still good.  Because even when I think I am in control, I really am not; God is and there is no better place to be.