Planning....

Sounds like life to me it ain’t no fantasy
It’s just a common case of everyday reality
Man I know it’s tough but you gotta suck it up--  Darryl Worley

I am a planner; I am not impulsive, spontaneous, and do not do well with surprises.  I plan.   Needless to say, the last few weeks have not been easy as the not knowing was starting to really annoy me. On Monday, things really took shape and reality set in with the call from Dr. Lynn confirming the positive biopsy. Mom breathed a huge sigh of relief as it was less aggressive—me never even thought about it; just wanted to start doing something. 

            So today the starting to do something began.  Mom (trusty new PINK notebook in hand) and I met with Dr Lynn to decide the first plan of action.  (I would like to add that I wore my black leather jacket, fuchsia sweater and black jeans.  Not my fault Mom wore her black leather jacket, pink sweater and black jeans.  Yes, I am a product of my environment).  Moving forward, Dr Lynn explained everything—lots of big words were used; I just nodded and acted as if I totally understood her.  The trusty PINK notebook was out and being used.  (Good sign as I was drifting away due to the use of the big, unrecognizable words).  We finally got down to the what do you want to do and I had no problem telling her to go with the lumpectomy.  She explained what would happen if anything showed up in the lymph nodes and what will more than likely happen if they were clear.  She explained the procedure concerning the lymph nodes and after hearing needle and nipple in the same sentence, I tuned out yet again, knowing Mom had my back.  I came back into the conversation when I heard one cup size smaller.  Well crap, I finally get to where I wanted to be and WHAM… smaller and to top it off, only on one side.  I tuned out again until the discussion turned to scheduling and recovery and going back to work.  The scheduling was easy—Friday morning I need to be at New Hanover at 7:00am.  At 8:00am I will be doing that nuclear lymph node thingy and at 9:30am Dr Lynn will go in for that sucker.  And I will be sound asleep and not know a darn thing.  Bliss.  Hopefully God will answer all those prayers with clear lymph nodes and I will be able to go home, but if he still has a point to prove, I get to stay overnight and enjoy the hospitality of NHRH.  (I just hope that if I have to stay I don’t get the same meal Mr. Monk got—meatloaf, peas and mashed potatoes.  Yuck.  Someone will be making a food run.  Did I mention there was a Dunkin Donuts right there and of course Krispy Kreme is not far either).
            This all brings me back to the planning.  I know that everything hinges on those pesky lymph nodes.  I have a post op next Thursday and then I am sent to the oncologist to plan my treatment.  If I am a good girl, I will be cleared to go back to work on the 14^th.  If I am going stir crazy and have driven Mom nuts, she might let me go back a day earlier.   I have been told I can continue to work during treatment as well, but there will be days in which I will not feel like going to work ( and this is a sick thing?!).  I would like to point out I love my job and the people I work with as well as most of the people who come to the library (yeah, had to say most as there are a few who really can drive a person crazy…. Mr. Monk) and it also brings me a sense of normalcy to go to work. 
            As I wait to plan the next step, it has gotten easier as the plan is starting to take shape.  However, I do realize I can plan all I want to, but it is not my plan, it is God’s plan.  Luckily I know, trust and have the faith it will be a good plan.