Let it be...: September 2013

It is what it is…. me-- pretty much everyday

Way back in August, I updated about the latest in my cancer—the gift that keeps giving saga. Here is the latest….

The lymphedema is something which will always be a part of me—just lovely. However, it seems to be treatable (at this time—why jinx myself and say curable) and I responded very quickly to the original wrapping. Yay me (about damn time I got something right)! Of course—it is me—so the kicker came in the form of the compression sleeve and glove which are needed to combat this issue. Mine needed to be custom made and they came from Germany AND they are $400.00. And before anyone asks, working on the insurance …time will tell. And then I asked how long they lasted—Robert got up—made his way towards the door—said he would be right back and then said “6-7 months” as he was closing the door. I could only shake my head. However, it is working and I am thankful.

I have also seen Dr K since the last update and well, it is what it is. I asked about the bone/joint issues and leg cramps and there is nothing he can do. We talked pros and cons of the tamoxifen and the tamoxifen prevailed and I will just go on. He kept saying how sorry he was, but he was not willing to change anything. He then told me he was worried about the Advil etc I admitted to taking. I had to promise not to over indulge. He asked about sleeping and I could not lie to him… he always knows when I fudge it… so I said I was up most nights for a few hours. Again he apologized—but I told him it was okay as I got things done. He laughed. I did think of telling him Candy Crush only had 5 lives and that was not good for someone who was up for few hours, but I had this feeling I would have received a really clueless look and I did not want to have to explain it to him.

Sometimes, I forget that I have had cancer. Silly as it seems, there are times in which it is totally out of my mind. Then it hits me. I still have not had a really good cry, but I came close to it the other week. There are these Pink Fire Trucks which support Breast Cancer and they had been in Jacksonville and were on their way to Wilmington. One of them—Claudia-- has my name on it. Last year, 2 of my Sunday School kids—Carley and Madison, signed my name on her—and yes, I shed a few tears. Anyway, long story short—I was on my way to therapy and Heather calls to tell me they are behind me (apparently she passed me). They caught up with me a little ways down and I just watched them as the Pender County Fire Truck led the way. I passed them and as I was almost to New Hanover County, I passed one of their fire trucks—waiting to take over. For some reason I just started to cry. I thought I had it under control until I saw the switch off in the rearview mirror—Pender slides over and New Hanover took over. All I could think was my name was on Claudia and how awesome the pink engines were and how many people were involved and shit, I was a cancer survivor—who would have thought?!

One thing I have learned while going through this is the only thing that matters is you make it through and if you look like crap or say lose your hair—who the hell cares. There were times when I cared and there were times when I did not. Losing my hair was not traumatic to me and I will say, I regret not getting professional pictures taken when I was bald. I am not saying I want to go back… I am just saying it would have been nice-- strange I know, but we are talking me. Anyway, a year ago today, September 29, 2012, I took my wig off for the last time. Not sure which one it was, but I was at work and I told Gaye I wanted it off and she said go for it. So I did. And in honor of this anniversary—here are the stages of what my hair went through. And before anyone mentions it—I did not have curls before all of this-- and yes, I have answered that question a million and one times!

The day of the shearing....
The before picture....