And the beat goes on....

On Monday I had the pleasure of seeing Dr K for a quick check on how the tamoxifen was going.  The conversation went something like this:

Me:  So I ended up in the hospital Labor Day Weekend.

Dr K—giving me this what in the world have you done now look: For what?

Me:  Somehow I managed to get a staph infection where the radiation took place.  (I then explained it all to him).

Dr K—shaking his head: How long where you there?

Me: 3 nights, I got a fever and you know how that is. 

Dr K:  figures.

Me:  Dr Lynn was off the first time I went down.  She came in to drain me as I was special.

Dr K:  Yes, definitely special—how much did she drain?

Me: Over 100 ccs.  It deflated like a bicycle tire.

Dr K—he just laughed. Poor guy still can’t figure out my sense of humor.

 

            It was good to see him and even better as he recapped my journey and said how happy he was and look how far we had come and aside from the daily pill, it was over.  Funny strange in that although my treatment ended August 10,  I was waiting for him, Dr K, my oncologist, the one who kept me safe and the one who I trusted without question, to tell me it was over and I was done.  And when he said it, I knew it was so and I could not stop smiling.  I smiled all through the instructions on what I was to do with my meds for the cruise and kept smiling when he said see you in 6 months.  The best part—he was smiling too. 

            My week continued and I got to see Dr Lynn for a follow up on Tuesday.  She was so proud of Mom and her packing.  Not to mention it is healing well.  She then proceeded to tell me the staph infection I had was not normal (yes, she was smirking) but although it is rare, it does occur in people with compromised immune areas and systems.  So Pia fit the profile.  (Of course she did….)

            Fast forward to this morning—Thursday—around 5:00am.  I woke up for some reason—I will blame Phil as he usually goes to work at that time and my windows were open—and I went to check on Pia and the wound.  Uh oh, I checked and I could not for the life of me find the end of the gauze strip which Mom leaves (for obvious reasons).  I got out the small mirror and a flashlight to see what I could see.  I have to be honest here; it was rather fascinating as it looked to be relatively clean while also being open.  (Yes, it was the first time I had bothered to look and it was not as bad as I would have thought).  However, I have told people this… okay, more like I have showed them, so start using your imagination and you might get it.  You know those blank faces with the 0 for the mouth… that is my wound.   And for those with no imagination....

 

 

 

 

 

         

    So back to the where in the world is the damn gauze.  I figured it had to be in there somewhere so I went back to bed thinking Mom could fish it out later.  Well later was 8:00am and I told Mom.  She came up to help and let’s just say she said it has to be stuck in there and it is breaking apart so I needed to call Dr Lynn.  I call, leave a message and then call Billy—he really has come through with this doctor thing.  Still, I do wish he had been a plastic surgeon.  Anyway, he said it would be fine so I was okay.  Mom was not.  I did not know how bad it was until we were on the way down and she said it was like a weight had been lifted when the office finally called.  Speaking of the office, I called and left a message with Lynette and finally Alicia called back and told me to get down there—and then asked me why I did not push the emergency button.  I told her I did not think it was an emergency.  She told me move it.  So we did. 

            We get to the office and Michelle goes with me—with Dr Lynn mouthing what a pain I was and she would be in shortly.  Michelle gets out the flashlight—and the two of us are jabbering away and she says “there is nothing in there.”  I tell her to keep looking as I had not seen it anywhere on the floor or on the bandage so it had to be in there.  She says no, but let’s see what Dr Lynn says.  At this point I am like oh crap, I can hear it now.  Dr Lynn comes in and pokes around—and for those of you wondering—it did not hurt at all—and says “the only thing in there is these fat things that look like broken gauze.”   I am telling her it has to be in there and my mind starts to go back and think.  And there is nothing that hits me.  Surely I would have known it was coming out.  Well, apparently not.  We all got a good laugh out of it and they did agree better safe than sorry.  Lynette was upset I drove all that way for nothing.  I told her not to worry; it was Chocolate Peanut Butter Cupcake day at Coastal Cupcakes so I was good.

             Mom, on the other hand, is in denial.  She swears it is still in there. I keep telling her Dr Lynn understood what she saw and she knew why she would think the gauze was in there and disintegrated.  We have looked and looked for the offending piece of gauze and it is nowhere to be found.  It is a mystery, but I am not complaining.  I got a Chocolate Peanut Butter Cupcake and the knowledge that even if I didn’t have a problem, Dr Lynn and her team has my back.  Again, I am blessed.

Packing and unpacking....

Ignorance is bliss…… me during this entire ordeal

 I should have known and packed a bigger bag.  Never crossed my mind I would be there for more than one night.  Come to think of it, it never crossed my mind it was a serious as it was. Pia hurt like hell and I knew there was an infection, but had no clue it was bad.  However, it apparently crossed other people’s minds.  As I said, ignorance is bliss and it has done me well these past months. 

That does sound strange, but one thing I have learned is what I don’t know is probably a good thing.  Way back when I was told cancer—I knew all would be fine.  Never crossed my mind it would be anything other than fine—just a bump in my road of life, but fine.  Never even thought about what Stage cancer it would be, so I was a wee bit surprised to hear Stage 3—those pesky lymph nodes.  When Dr K kept saying “my job is to keep you safe”, it never crossed my mind I wasn’t safe.  All I knew was my numbers dropped and I ended up in the hospital.  When Portia started stinging that night in the ER, it never occurred to me that dang thing was in my heart.  See the pattern?! So when Pia turned red and angry, it never crossed my mind it could be anything other than a bothersome infection.  And when Dr Lynn said she would operate and open the wound, it never crossed my mind there might be a problem.  Again, ignorance is bliss. 

The plan, as it were, was, whatever, was to go under around 11am Friday morning and stay overnight on the 2^nd Floor for wound care.  I was so excited to get in the pre-op room early as I was starving and the sooner we started, the sooner we would be done.  Hmmm.  I forgot about all those questions.  When was the last time you ate or drank anything? Are you allergic to anything? Etc, etc.  I also forgot about the IV.  Poor Nurse Patty.  I said no hand so she tried the arm and it did not work (I jumped for some reason) so into the hand it went (not as bad as it has been, so I was pleasantly surprised).  Luckily the blood stick went smoother.  And then the anesthesiologist came in—I went for deep sedation.  And I waited. And waited.  Dr Lynn and Michelle came in to say hi and Michelle took one look at Pia and was like oh my.  They left and then all the nurses who stopped in were concerned Dr Lynn did not mark it.  Finally someone comes back and says “Dr Lynn is not marking it as it is obvious where it is.”  (I refrained from saying I was thinking the same thing not to mention the thought of adding dumb a&% to the ending, as I was confident Dr Lynn already had). 

            The next thing I know I am in recovery and feeling mighty good.  Then I was on my way to my room.  Funny, I had given up on my wig—I wore Scarlett for the attitude, and while I was stopped outside my room for a moment, I looked in and saw one of my library patrons visiting her sister—I said hi there and it took her a minute as she knew the voice, but not the hair!  Too funny.  Anyway, I was plopped in my room and all was good.  I was on Percocet and morphine as needed.  I was happy. I was so happy that I was laughing each time I heard the bed alarm from the guy next door go off.  Poor man was not all there and was DETERMINED to get out of bed.  (Side note—I did not have an alarm as I was not a slip or a flight risk).   I was happy until Dr Lynn came in the next morning and “unpacked” me.   It was then I realized this was a wee bit more serious than I thought. (Of course her saying “this was deeper than I thought” probably helped too.) Apparently Pia was opened, drained, cleaned out and was packed—with like 8ft of gauze—then taped up only to be removed 2 times a day in the hospital.  The tape removal hurt more than anything—and yes, I did play it up a bit—but not much.  That crap hurts! Anyway, back to Dr Lynn and the unpacking.  It was like a magic show—she finally gets the tape off and she pulls and she pulls and she pulls.  I swear she pulled gauze for 2 minutes.  She finally says all done and I am like this is not too bad.  Then she says “let’s pack!”  Should have known.  Did I mention I love morphine?! Yikes!  (At this point I think I knew I was staying until Sunday as the wound was deep).

Long story short, Saturday night started early with a woman 2 doors down yelling help me, help me—sounded like a goat, but I was concerned.  I let her go on for another minute until I called my nurse—who did not answer—she was too busy lying on top of this lady who was trying to escape.  (Yes, I was on the surgery floor, not the mental floor).   Betsy and Erin came in around that time with questioning looks when she started up again.  She continued way past the time when  they left and finally calmed down.  By then the Code Red alarm was going off (fire somewhere) and my temp was at 101.  It was down by the time Dr Lynn did her rounds (another reason she wanted to do surgery on Friday—she was on call), but I still felt bad and asked if I could stay one more night.  She let me.

I kind of felt bad for Billy as he spent his weekend at the hospital, but I did point out it must be a different view.  It was and I think he has a different appreciation of what I tell him is the “dark side”.  He did come to get me on Monday and while there were grand plans of stopping at a few places, it did not happen.  I was wiped out.  And have been that way all week. 

Dr Lynn did let me go back to work and there are a few who think it is crazy.  I disagree.  My mental well being is very, very important too.  So a few hours a day will not kill me (okay, I did work 6 hours yesterday and it about killed me.  So 4 hours is my limit for a few weeks).  I even sent Estell an email giving in yet again and asking for help.  (See, I am getting the hang of this).  Granted it I thought I would be over and done with this, but my plans are not my own. And everything happens for a reason, right?  Sometimes I really would like to know why, but then again, half the time I don’t even think about it.  So yes, ignorance has been bliss.