Lessons learned

Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity and responsibility to give something back by becoming more—Anthony Robbins

I often wonder why I got cancer (and yes, I usually answer myself with why not --imagine those conversations back and forth—I can carry on quite an amusing conversation with myself at times).  And yes, I do wonder what I did that really pissed God off.  Then I dig deeper and realize there is a lesson to be learned in everything (but I still wonder….).

I am pretty sure the plan was for me to learn a few lessons.  Lesson number one was to never say never or now what.  Saying those words was (and is) an immediate set up for the now what or never to actually happen.  I know, I lived it. More than once too.  I was slow on the uptake; very slow—slow like the sloth.   Lesson number two was let go.  Again, I was a little slow on the uptake, but I got there.  I gave up my day planner, I gave in to my boss, and I just gave into things.  Very hard for someone as independent and yes—I will say it—headstrong as me.         

Lesson number three was facing and conquering my fear of cancer.  As with most people, I have been surrounded by cancer. If you have not been, count your blessings.  I lost a grandmother, a father, a cousin, an aunt, and too many others along the way. The one thing which always made an impact on me was the nausea and all that comes with that (for those that are slow on the uptake—I am talking throwing up/puking, praising the porcelain god... you get the idea).  It terrified me.  I would rather have a shot (with a needle, not tequila) then get sick.  And I HATE needles.  I think God spared me as lesson four kicked in and he was pleased.

Lesson four was, to me, the most important lesson as well as the easiest.  In fact, learning was not even part of the lesson—all I had to do was open my eyes, mind and heart and trust in something which had always been a part of me.  I had to trust my faith.  I will not go much further as I will not force any of my thoughts and beliefs on others (religion, like politics, is a very personal thing).  But I will say God is an awesome God and is always there, we just need to let him in. I never felt alone and I knew he would take care of me. I always, always knew I would be fine and he always surrounded me with a peace I knew only he could provide.

Yes, I learned a bunch of lesson.  I have said it before and I will say it again and again…cancer was humbling.  More than anything, I hated to put my family and friends through it.  I hated putting those who had walked this walk before me through it.   And I hated when people told me I was an inspiration.  I did what I had to do and there was no point in complaining.  Trust me; it was not as bad as it could have been.  Strangely enough, I have been done with treatments since August and yet I am not sure I have really accepted the fact it is over and I am a survivor.  I get to test that survivor thing and finally deal with it on April 12 when I participate in the Relay for Life here in Onslow County  and I walk the survivor lap (and if you would like to donate…here is your chance… shameful, I know, but what the heck!!!) http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?fr_id=53024&pg=personal&px=5204055   (highlight and hold down the CTRL key and click or cut and paste!).   

Yes, I am nervous as to me, it is a very big step, but one I need to take and in the process, I get to pay it forward and hopefully help prevent even one case of cancer in the future.  To me this step says, you are done and you have won this battle. Something I never could have done without the love and support of family and friends, an amazing medical team and God.  Thank you!