The Golden Ring

In your heart, you plan your life.  But the Lord decides where your steps will take you.

Proverbs 16:9

Finally—the golden ring is almost mine.  Growing up, there was a carousel at the Asbury Park boardwalk where there was a golden ring.  The goal was to grab the ring as you were going round and round.  I never did get that golden ring—a) I was too short and b) I was too afraid to fall flat on my face.  However, that golden ring has always signified (to me at least) the prize or now, the end. 

             If you remember, when I was first diagnosed, Billy was in disbelief.  He was sure it was going to be nothing. As we all know, he was wrong (possibly the only time I really wish he had been right.  It just seemed wrong to run around yelling you were wrong, you were wrong in a joyous voice).    He was in such disbelief that I – teasing—said “hmmm, bet I could milk you for anything.”  He said “yup, anything.” I said “I want a cruise.” He said “Done.” From that point forward, I had something to look forward to; something to say it was over.  

             I have been planning this trip since the moment Billy said done.  I looked at every cruise imaginable. I looked at New England, I looked at Mediterranean, I looked at Alaska (I did put my foot down when Billy said Costa would be a great deal) and I finally settled on the Panama Canal and Billy said that if we were doing the Canal, we were going coast to coast.  For a fleeting moment I was worried about the length of the cruise, but when I passed it by Estell, I knew I was good. (I do feel a wee bit guilty, but the hell with it, I deserve this sucker!).  I originally had it ready for September, but fate stepped in and I was told it was too rainy.  Good thing too as Pia had her issue and there was no way on this earth I could have made it on a cruise.  4 months later and I am still exhausted when I leave work!

             As long as Mother Nature cooperates (please, please cooperate) we will be sailing away from Ft. Lauderdale tomorrow at 5:00pm.  Exactly one year to the day I got Damn Portia.  I will also celebrate the one year marks of my first meeting with Becca and Dr K, and the meeting with Dr N who very matter of fact pointed out it was Stage 3 cancer (something I did not know until them – Mom either) and in memory of my first chemo, I will have one (or two) shots of tequila. 

            I cannot believe a year has passed.  Yet, it seems so long ago and honestly, a life time ago at times.  I remember feeling crappy with the chemo, but I don’t remember how badly.  I remember ending up on the 10^th floor, but I don’t remember it being that bad.  And I don’t think it is chemo brain.  I think I am just ready to go on.  I get back to reality February 3 late.  And when I do everything will have come full circle.  And that golden ring will FINALLY be mine!