It is what it is....

Special—adjective --

Surpassing what is common or usual; exceptional:

 Peculiar to a specific person or thing; particular.

All of my doctors—oncologist, radiologist and surgeon are all right around the corner from each other.  However, I take different routes as it is easier to get to Dr Nichols by going down Market and getting on 16^th and easier to take Military Cutoff to Shipyard to get to Dr K and Dr Lynn.  Last year, when I was going to them for what seemed to be every day, I was able to gauge how late I was by where I was at a certain time.  I knew I had to hit College and Oleander with 15 minutes to spare or I was screwed getting to Dr K or Dr Lynn.  I have been to Wilmington a million and one times since I had last seen Dr K and I never thought about it.  Until today.  I hit College and Oleander at 9:43am and all I thought was “I got this.”  Strange the things which go through a person’s mind at the weirdest times; then again, it was better than focusing on the am I going to have to have blood drawn today worry. 

            I get there with minutes to spare and am called in by a nurse who I had never seen before, so I behaved myself.  She asked me to get on the scale and then she took my height.  Instead of taking the weight out on her, I stuck with the height.  5’2” --I say… she says no--5’1” and you were 5’1 ½” last time (great, now I am shrinking.  As if I did not have enough things on my mind).  She puts me in a room, asks me a few normal questions and says “the doctor will be in shortly.” Oh please… this is real life, not a TV show—I almost snorted.    Since chemo brain is usually in full swing when I have questions, I get out my trusty pack of note cards (some of you thought I was going to say day planner—nope—I actually LEFT that at home.  Okay, I forgot it, but still, I did not panic).  For the record, I have a ton of them.  Some have writing on them, some are blank—for those moments I have a thought and remember to write something down.  They are clipped together with a pink clip—makes it easier to find as well as keeping them in one place.  I am ready.

            Dr K walks in and gives me a hug, says you look great and laughs when I say “look—I have hair!”  He sits down and starts.  I know he saw the cards, but smart man, he ignored them.  But I figure he has his questions and after a few of them, we get down to business.  It starts with the how is the tamoxifen going.  Hmmm, funny you should mention it… I am having side effects.  So, looking at my cards, I go into the side effects I am having.   I tell him how my joints and bones are aching and how at the end of the day my fingers ache and sometimes I just can’t type. I tell him about the calf cramps and calf spasms.   He looks at me and asks if they are minor, severe and are they affecting my quality of life.  He asks if anything helps, I tell him sometime times I take Advil if it is really bad.   I told him they were annoying, but I was adapting.   That is when he knew it was bothering me.  However, as he went through the 3 possibilities, I knew exactly what he was thinking and I knew I was on it for better or for worse.  Long story short, it is the best for me now and even when he changes it over to something else, the same side effects might occur.  Plus, to add insult to injury, he asked me if I heard about the study and I said yes.  5 years was just upped to 10.   Oh well, I am on this side of the ground. 

            It was then I figured I might as well march on (good thing I had my cards) and told him I had looked up all the side effects and apparently most people have weight loss.  He looked at my chart and said you are better than in September and I told him that was not the point, the point was I was actually trying to lose weight and have even cut out sugar for the most part and he says that is great.  I said not for the cupcake people.  He just started laughing.  Then my stomach starts rumbling—at which point I said—yup- I got that bloating gassy side effect too. He looks at me and says “that is an uncommon side effect” and he just starts smiling.  He lost it when I say ‘’ figures and why do I always have to be the special one?”

            Then, my kind and caring doctor comes back to earth and tells me he is sorry for my side effects and he means it.    He has me figured out, he knows that if it worsens, I will tolerate it so he makes a point to tell me a few times, you are to call me if it gets worse.  And then he sends me on my way with a see you in the fall and you better call if needed. 

            I admit it; I walked out of there pretty down.  I know I should just count my blessings and I know he is keeping me safe but seriously?  5 to 10 more years of this crap? Lovely.   So I did the only thing I could do… I went to Whole Foods and got a 5 star chocolate bar (Lake Champlain Chocolates—the fruit one in case you were interested—awesome I might add).  Yup, I skipped the cupcake.  Okay, I only skipped it as today was not Chocolate Peanut Butter day at Coastal Cupcakes. 

            So, fingers crossed, prayers sent up and lots of hope I will not have to call Dr K before September. 

 

Joshua 1:9