Burn, baby burn

           I should have known when I saw Peter’s smile…but I was not focusing on the smile.  If I had been, I would have known something was up.  But no, I gave my birthday and continued to the glow room to assume the pose.  I lie down, they adjust me, and I am ready—I have assumed the pose and I am still.  Denise walks out saying “here we go”—my hint they are starting and then the music starts.  Remember, I have to be still as I have already been adjusted and out of the speakers comes Disco Inferno.  I am just about to lose it when I hear Peter over the speaker laughing and telling me not to move.  I have 5 invisible beams I have to stay still for and of course today was film day as next week starts the boosts—the invisible rays which are shot into where the tumor had been.  Of course, in typical Liza fashion, normal films take about 7 minutes, however these took about 40 minutes.  And Peter was ready.  The play list continued: Burning Down the House, Burning Love, a few Cars songs and then, the last song—We Didn’t Start the Fire.   The thought of how I was going to kill him kept me occupied and still. And I admit, it was rather amusing.  Peter has been with me since Day 1 and I am so very glad he will be with me all of next week, even if he is cremating me.

            Last night, I had nothing in me and knew there was no way on earth I was going to make it to work today (Friday).  This was something rather new for me.  Chemo was different and I was basically not on the schedule; more of an if I feel good, I will be there.  Recently, I have been going in by 8 and if I was tired, I would just leave early.  I like this going in early as I can get everything set up for the day and I like the quietness of it all.  All of this was going through my mind while I was trying to make a decision for today as I really wanted some hours and it hit me fast and hard; I was done for the week.  Thank you Brandy for coming in early—you made it possible for me to sleep for most of the day.  And apparently I needed it as I slept late, took a nap by 10, ran some errands, napped again for 2 hours then down to hell for my cremation therapy.  I was told I would be the most tired 2-3 weeks after radiation ended.  Lovely…..guess I need to rethink the work thing.

            In one week, it will be over and my new normal will begin.  I am hoping my new normal is kind of like my old normal with just a few changes.  Yes, I will be taking tamoxifen every day for 5 years and I am sure I will never trust a mammogram again and I will never look at a lump in the same way, but I will also fall back into my normal routines.  I am hoping to return to a 40 hour work week by early September and am looking forward to the new Sunday School year and seeing the kids again.  My hair is growing back—slowly, slowly like that sloth, but it is showing signs of life.              Not sure when I will give up the wig—that will be on my terms, not what others think, but it will be nice not to always have to search for it.  Not to mention running back in the house when I realize I forgot to put it on.

            This has changed me in ways not easily put into words—someday I may try, but not tonight.  Tonight, I am tired and have one more thing to do before my head hits the pillow.  I need to order my 2013 Day Planner because some things will always remain the same.